When Love Calls…

Posted by nulenise in Nov 16, 2010, under Uncategorized

How attached are you to past loves? Do you carry on relationships with them? Can they still call on you and depend on you for things? These questions literally just popped into my mind.

Sometimes I wonder how people’s past loves can still have such a hold on them. I understand that once you have loved and been in love with someone that you never stop loving them but, is it a requirement that they maintain a hold on you? Thank God this does not apply to me, but I feel kind of bad for the people it applies to.

Are you waiting by the phone for when love calls?
Kem – Love Calls

1 Comment more...

“love” vs “luv” – let’s call the whole thing off

Posted by nulenise in Oct 14, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

Let’s call the whole thing off
You say “potato,” I say “patattah”
You say “tomato”, I say “creole tomata”
Oh, let’s call the whole thing off

I have an interesting question…well, at least I think it’s interesting. It was sparked by a poem I heard someone share at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe 10.14.2010.

It’s a matter of “love” versus “love” … do you feel that there is a difference?

When someone writes/says “I luv ya” is it different from someone writing/saying “I love you”? ^.~

Does it make you feel different to read/hear either or? Is one better than the other? Does one have more meaning behind it than the other? Are “luv” and “love” completely interchangeable?

Yes, I have my opinion but I want to hear/read yours so…let me have it.

Oh, if we call the whole thing off
Then we must part and oh
If we ever part, that would break my heart
So, I say “ursta” you say “oyster”
I’m not gonna stop eatin’ urstas just cause you say oyster,
Oh, let’s call the whole thing off

True Love & Light

Ms. Nu

6 Comments more...

“pregnancy & abortion”

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

part i : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is pregnant?

part ii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is considering having, is having, or has had an abortion?

part iii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is a) pregnant; and/or b) is considering, has had or is having an abortion even if he has clearly stated/expressed that HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN?

~Nu

wak “mother earth”

p.s. thanx to lisa g. for being the spark that lit the inferno in my mind, heart and womb to expand upon this discussion topic and present it to my fb fam for discussion. and a strange kind of thanx to our 1.23.10 kitchen fam for leaving me deeply unsatisfied with the “yes” or “no” answers to lisa’s initial question of “does a woman have to tell a man she’s having an abortion?” for without that lack of discussion regarding this topic, i may have never been dissatisfied and i would never have created this note, which in turn has created this forum of discussion…

1.28.2010

    • Colin W. ‎1 & 2) a woman is obligated to tell everything if that man is her husband.

      3) if a man has clearly expressed that he doesn’t want kids, then he should do his part to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant.

      January 28 at 6:36pm ·
    • Yvette G.

      I clearly believe that if 2 people are intimate they are aware that this is something that can be a result of unprotected sex and nothing is 100% so a risk is taken on both parts. This decision is vital that both to be parents have a discus…sion about what is the responsible method they should take. It becomes very challenging when 2 people can not reach a mutual agreement on such an important matter. I do agree that the woman should inform the man that she is pregnant regardless of his position on having children. He took the risk as well. Unfortunately if a decision can not be jointly made it becomes the womans decision on whats best for her body, is she in a position to take care of the child alone. Many times I believe man act out of fear but once the child is here can ultimately become a father regardless of what the fear tells them. I don’t however condone abortion as a birth control method. Not big on abortions to begin with but understand that sometimes there are challenging circumstances that warrant this decision. I guess I had alot to say(dont I always) since I stepped out on this discussion at my house,sorry…LOL! See More
    • MsNu ‎@ c-mo: what if they are not married? and what if he does not want children and she gets pregnant even though they took precautionary measures? is she obligated to tell him that she is considering or having and abortion? is she even obligated to tell him that she is pregnant?

      January 28 at 6:51pm ·
    • Colin W.

      If they aren’t married, and she is pregnant and does not want the baby, she can have an abortion without telling him anything. Being her boyfriend or whatever he has no right to decide what goes on in her life. If she wants to discuss, sh…e can, but she is not obliged. If he doesn’t want kids, the only reason to tell him anything is if she plans on rocking his world by having a baby. The tricky thing is what happens if he wants kids and she doesn’t want to keep the baby. He has no rights, hopefully his power of persuasion is strong.See More
      January 28 at 6:51pm ·
    • MsNu ‎@yvette: yes you stepped out for this question, sort of…the only question put forward on saturday was “does a woman have to tell a man that she’s having and abortion?” i kinda extended it a little bit…and for some reason the only answers saturday were “yes” and/or “no”…smh…and they just moved on to the next question…

      January 28 at 7:01pm ·
    • Masadonn I need to know everything, thats a decision we make together.
    • January 28 at 7:06pm ·
    • Cody Norris
    • Honestly i think it is a moral standard to tell you r man that you are pregnant..If your with a dude and you cant trust him enough to tell him your pregnat than you shouldnt be with him..If your with a female and cant trust that she is goin…g to tell you when she is pregnant than you dont need to be with her..And as far as abortions…I think they do enough to make sure we stay having sex but dont pro-create. 1ce the close comes off both parties should be ready to handle anything that comes out of it and unfortunatly a baby shouldnt be the worst factor that comes from the act of Pro-Creation. Ina world were peopl cant have children or woman run off with the kids…It is scary but God does provide and we have to be willing to take that TRUE LEAP OF FAITH if those circumstances arises. Nobody wants to hear that but sex is for that. So if that does happen. be real and start to plan out your life with that person..Even if you dont want to stay together. Steps have to be taken to make sure the child isnt a product of society and broken homes arent parents not together…A brokin home is parents that dont care..See More
      January 28 at 7:11pm ·
    • Lenise MsNu Smith well said cody…very well said…

      January 28 at 7:18pm ·
    • Crystal B.

      part i : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is pregnant?-Yes

      part ii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is considering having, is having, or has had an abortion?-YES!

      par…t iii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is a) pregnant; and/or b) is considering, has had or is having an abortion even if he has clearly stated/expressed that HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN?- YES

      If you don’t want children with this man DO NOT LAY DOWN WITH HIM! PERIOD!
      See More

      January 28 at 9:30pm ·
    • Darlene B. Yes Chrystal!!

      January 28 at 9:45pm via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Cody N. and there it is …Check and mate!!!

      January 28 at 9:47pm ·
    • Cody N. oh and give thanks Nunuu

      January 28 at 9:47pm ·
    • MsNu always cody…always

      January 28 at 9:49pm ·
    • Cody N. Yo i love these please dont stop doing this Nunuu for real
    • January 28 at 9:49pm ·
    • MsNu never cody…never :-)

      January 28 at 9:50pm ·
    • Lisa G. glad i put the Q in the box – i would have to tell, it’s too much of an emotional process not to – if i ever had to go thru the horror i would want the man by my side – maybe that is selfish but i am human.

      January 28 at 10:53pm ·
    • Afrikess

      Question Nu is there something you want to tell us?
      Answer: #1 No she is not obligated to tell him if she is pregnant, she should want to tell him, he does have the right to know. {is that a contradiction?}
      #2 ah the A word when the woman has… the right to murder (see note) Yes by all means if she plans on killing her child she should inform the father who has the right to say please save my child’s life!
      I am not sure obligation is the right word here.
      #3 If she is pregnant, and he has told her he does not want children she should still tell him she is pregnant, and then decide whether she would want to love the life which will love her back or the loser who does not love her enough to want to share the joy that two people have made, but is just using her as a sperm depository.
      If a man does want to have children he should get a vasectomy or stop having sex with women who can bear children. ok I am done here for nowSee More
      January 28 at 11:10pm ·
    • Cody N.

      WOW GO AFRIKESS wwwwooooohhhhooooo. HOTTTTT more fyah mo fyah i think a man should have a vote. not to terminate but to take..If she doesnt want it she should def give the man the right to say i do and if you dont want then i do want you@K…aren again its aboout which looser do you love more..So well said..People are so about themselves that kids dont come in to the picture. I have had somebody say that my kids arent more important than me…That is ascary thing for a parent to say…Make a decission sex equals chidlren. Not all the time but will do the math or stop addingSee More
      January 28 at 11:24pm ·
    • Jasmine E. hello all. Im coming in

      January 28 at 11:34pm ·
    • Cody N. what is this double dutch…First it was lynette now you jasmine lol

      January 28 at 11:35pm ·
    • Cody N. For real right what is she writing a book

      January 28 at 11:50pm ·
    • Jasmine E.

      so ladies… do we tell don’t we tell??? Question really is, do you really love the dude? If you love him, loving him means respecting and valuing his opinions, perhaps not honoring them but at least taking them into consideration. tell him… cause if you have the abortion you gone want someone to go through it with you.
      so, in some cases its just some dude, random spillage, teenage pregnancy, too much henessy, rape, molestation, incest, etc. etc. planned parenthood takes cash and most insurances. dont need to TELL a soul. forgive yourself and move on. pro choice holla!!
      Having unprotected sex with a dude that doesnt want kids weeeell now thats a hell of a hypothetical. who does that?? that just doesnt seem wise. im tempted to side with afrikess. dude, do women a favor and get a fuckin vasectomy. i wonder why he doesn’t want kids. thats a red flag. run imaginary hypothetical girl dating him, RUN!!!!See More
      January 28 at 11:55pm ·
    • Afrikess lol @ Jas,, run imaginary hypothetical girl… but the red flag statement is real talk.

      January 29 at 12:14am ·
    • Jasmine E. mmmhmmm

      January 29 at 12:14am ·
    • Jasmine E. i’m slow…@ cody don’t get smart :) Had to scroll through all the messages didnt even see what Lynette had written. Thats funny!! I had no idea.

      January 29 at 12:24am ·
    • MsTabu

      Nu, you are making me anxious to spit my newest piece to you. It would fit right in with this discussion. That will come in due time though:)

      First of all let me applaud a Queen, Afrikess for the words of wisdom here ” decide whether she wo…uld want to love the life who will love her back or the loser that does not love her enough to share the joy that two people made” beautifully said.

      Here are my personal thoughts.
      Anybody who really knows me, knows that I am not a condoner of abortion in situations outside of rape. Especially not when its grown folks who made the choice to lay down together.

      Like Afrikess, I don’t perceive the telling as an obligation. For me, its just something you know by nature and heart to do, whether a woman opts to go against that instinct or not. Yes, God empowered us as woman with the strength to nurture a life within us and give birth to that child, but it takes two to create a life, not one.

      If it takes man+woman to create, why should it only take one to make the decision of eliminating or aborting this life? However contradicting this sounds, no a man does not have the right to tell a woman TO get an abortion, but he has the right to know if she is considering getting one and is as entitled to saving that life as she is.

      If he has clearly stated he does not want children, what is that man doing having sex, and better yet probably unprotected sex with her to begin with and what is she doing wasting her time. Just because sex is mutually pleasureful, does not strip it of its sole purposes. The chances for pregnancy always exist, however we try to fight God’s will. Unfortunately most people are not sensible enough to fully comprehend this, or conscious enough to care.

      Regardless of him stating that he does not want children, he should know all of the above for the same reasons I’ve mentioned earlier. People say a lot of things before they actually experience something, whose to say that a man isn’t capable of a change of heart if he never knew what it was to create a life to begin with? Perhaps her underlying reason for wanting to proceed with an abortion to begin with, is the result of her fear that ‘he didn’t want children’. Whatever it may be, if she has had or is having an abortion than she better get in confession mode and he better man up.
      See More

      January 29 at 4:24am ·
    • Cody N ‎”Perhaps her underlying reason for wanting to proceed with an abortion to begin with, is the result of her fear that ‘he didn’t want children’”

      Wow @ Tabu that is so deep i am really feeling that statement love that sentement

      January 29 at 4:51am ·
    • Roan R.

      She’s not obligated. It is her body her decision regardless of the relationship or situation surrounding. This is not to say they have a terrible relationship. It could simply mean this is not something she’s ready for and/or he’s not re…ady for.

      Not that you could ever truly be ready. See More

      January 29 at 9:35am ·
    • Katrice G.

      Let me start off by being VERY CLEAR that I am Pro-Choice. As pregnant as I am, I understand that PARENTING is a DECISION not an obligation. You CHOOSE to be a parent. Even when you give birth and have kids… some wind up being mental and …emotional absentee parents to the same kids they are “providing” for because they don’t grasp the idea that parenting is more than monetary. But I digress…

      1&2 I feel that a woman is obligated to let the father of THEIR unborn baby know that she is pregnant. The way I look at it, both are PARENTS from conception and both people should be allowed to have say in exactly whether or not they are in a place to raise a child in a finacially, emotionally, and mentally healthy situation. ALLthings should be discussed and UNDERSTOOD no matter where each person stands.

      Leaving the situation up for discussion will hopefully provide a platform for a middle ground. Men have rights too.Fathers have rights. They may not carry it, but if he had too I would hope he would decide to make a decision with every perspective on the table as I would, so I think considering him and his feelings on your positon is only fair.

      3. Absolutely. Being pregnant, I understand the emotions that run through a woman when she conceives. A woman can go into a sexual relationship not wanting children but when she finds out she’s pregnant, sing a completely different tune. In some cases, men are no different. They talk about all the kids they don’t want… but maybe that’s just a means of expressing they are not READY. That doesn’t mean they may not hold themselves responsible for a young life and have a desire to see the pregnancy thru. Both partners in the relationship deserve the chance to express their positon and both partners in the relationship should try to reach a point of mutuality when it comes to the outcome. I DON’T BELIEVE that ANYONE should “deal with the consequences of unprotected sex”

      If you look at a baby as a “consequence” then maybe you shouldn’t bring it into this world. That’s not healthy nor fair to the child you brought in this worldSee More

      January 29 at 12:37pm ·
    • Kwesi A.

      comments are interesting and everything has been said well. I am pro choice. I have been on both end of the spectrum.
      Nearly 25 years ago I would had attempted to talk my most beautiful and treasured daughter’s mother into aborting her. I… am glad I was kept out of the decision. a few years after that a intimate friend decided that an abortion would be the best route.

      WE GOT TO RESPECT A WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSESee More

      January 29 at 5:13pm ·
    • Kevin E.

      To answer the questions, I don’t know about Legally, but Morally; 1) Yes 2) Yes 3)

      “…and broken homes arent parents not together…A brokin home is parents that dont care..” -Cody Norris

      That is Profound My Brother! Myself being reared in “…Woman” led household, was Blessed to have “Experienced True Parenting.” For alot of children born to my generation that was not the case. Hence the rise of the ‘Me, Me, Me” syndrome in todays Parents & Youth!

      We need to first understand that “Pro-Choice” is only as new as so-called “Civil Rights”, the past 45 years or so. Now I am a firm believer in pro-choice, even if I’m not a fan of abortion( A Hanger & the Risks are not a Humane option!). I’m a firm believer in “Standing Up” & taking responsibility for yours. It was instilled in me, even though I didn’t always do it. It was taught to me, so when the sickness of “Inebriated Self Consumed Youthfulness” left me I knew to jump expeditiously into my “Daddy-Man” clothes. “And, keep them on At All Cost!” I was blessed by having that “True Parenting Experience”, and now so are my Children. Wether i’m in the house or not i’m in their lives, & I understand the “Importance” of that. That’s why I think Cody’s statement is so huge, were fed the idea that these so-called broken homes produce the majority of maladjusteds in this society. When the Truth is since slavery we’ve been reared in these “Broken Homes”. If we look backin History we will find that some of our greatest achievers were the products of these so-called broken homes!

      We need to understand also that “Real Women” have maintained our Race for centuries as single parents. They were so busy attacking the black Man, they forgot about the “Mother of Hue-Manity” who has survived every “Holocaust” known to Man! If youlook at the time we really begin to fall apart as a people, it began with the attacking of our Mothers with the threat of incarceration for disciplining the children. The outright taking of the one steady True parent out of the house by over incarcerating ( the rates of Women in prison is greater than Men). The desensitizing of the populus w/ the commercial allure of drugs and carnal behaviors. Making them more and more acceptable in society as a whole,but stopping short of allowing their children to believe this BS.

      It’s time again to come out of our homes and safe places to “fight in the streets for our rights & the rights of our Children!’See More

      January 29 at 6:29pm ·
    • Shanna T.

      irony=i was driving to work today and found myself behind a bumper stickered anti-abortion mobile and one of the stickers read, “abortion causes heart cancer”. i have been curious all day to know if that is fact, a scare tactic, or poetic….

      my mother told me that i should never have sex with a man i don’t want to look at for at least the next 18-21 years because even if he leaves he will return in the face of my child. um um umm!!!

      there are reasons beyond rape for having abortions which seem justified when people lack faith or evidence that faith is beneficial. if you are a person who lacks faith then you are going to bring someone in the world you don’t believe you can protect and the greatest asset in parenthood is faith and confidence that you are able. a lot of times people resent their kids because they arrived before their joy, and unfortunately kids do not always equal joy for everyone. common sense says sex is for procreation but the moment dictates that sex is for pleasure and women/men have a responsibility to look ahead and question if this is someone they want to look at for the next 18-21 years.

      abortion is not new, legal abortion is and women have been performing abortions forever and legalizing it is really a way to protect the lives of too many women basically killing themselves. i am not sure when an adult life is of less value than a childs but when a person is at the point that they are willing to risk their existance to escape parenthood then they should not have kids.

      as a woman, we are obligated to protect ourselves and if he doesn’t wear a condom and we don’t enforce it, then we need to wear one and take birth control because at the end of the day we are the one who will have to carry the child and often tend to it alone. also, if a man says he doesnt want kids, the hell if i will take the risk that he will change his mind. if he doesn’t want kids and says it outloud then believe it. women always think we can change men and their character was determined decades before we arrived so good luck with that. people change when they are ready, not when your force them into changing. if nothing else you will probably be the babymomma (i hate that term) who he resents because he told you he didn’t want kids, he will move on and see you in court. there are exceptions to this rule, but seriously, why set yourself up. once a woman makes up her mind telling him wont usualy change it because that is a huge decision and if you confirm it with yourself he will just become chatter.

      i never have and don’t believe i ever will need to tackle this issue on a personal level but i can’t judge anyone who has because everyone is different and we value that until it goes against our beliefs.See More

      January 29 at 8:27pm ·
    • Olusanya B.

      First of all; NuNuu, Afrikess, Tabu, Jasmine and Shanna… Y’all can knock me up any day, I’ll have all of your babies… ha ha ha.
      Aight… now on a more serious note… as Human BEings engaged in the act of physical intercourse the only “…obligation” we have to each other is to respect our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical anatomy… their form and function.
      If our physical intercourse is along the lines of animals in heat, then we are simply rutting. We don’t need any further discussion because we have already given in to the lowest form of this act. The higher forms of “bonding” are missing, so we should expect very little in terms of “love, morality, commitment, life-giving, or what is right”. The blood has left our brains to travel south and very little energy is being directed towards cognitive functions. When our awareness is below the waist we often waste our experience of the “reality” of lovemaking…which is total UNION [minds, bodies and souls]. The natural result of this union is a child… the proverbial “best of both worlds”. When I became sexually active my Father basically said the same thing to me that Shanna’s mother said to her. I’ll never forget the first time a sister spent the night at my house, slept in my bed and woke up bugging because I didn’t touch her. When she asked why my reply was, “I can’t love you in my bed if I don’t love you in my head.”
      Straight up… this is the 21st century, if your not willing to make a baby let us be real… there’s sex toys out there that can get the job done better than most of the individuals you may sleep with, with none of the drama.
      The first time I got a woman pregnant i knew before she did, when she told me she was pregnant I told her the night she conceived. Its called being in tune with your lover!
      Individuals conceive and say, “it was a mistake!” BULLSHIT… the only mistake was them acting like they can control creation. There’s only one creator and every now and then SHE allows us to participate in HER creation.
      I will answer like this…
      1] if my woman was to get pregnant is she obligated to tell me? No… but she would… ABSOLUTELY! becuz my mind is her mind and vice versa, our relationship and journey is towards love and ONENESS.
      2]If my woman was considering an abortion is she obligated to tell me? No… but she would… ABSOLUTELY! becuz she knew when I came to worship at her temple I was looking for a blessing that resembled her, that had her smile and my eyes. She would allow me the opportunity to remind her of that.
      3]This last question is a little absurd cuz if a man stated this to his woman and they proceeded to have intercourse anyway then both of them are a few cards short of a full deck and shouldn’t be allowed to play adult games. I think both need to undergo some genital nip and tucking [if u know what I mean].
      NuNuu… I would apologize for running off at the mouth, but U knew what u was gettin’ into when U tagged me… ha ha ha.
      “men and women have been blessed to re-enact the… principles of creation, isn’t it an ecstatic… isn’t it an exquisite sensation… when we allow our lonely egos to melt… into the essential ONENESS of each other?”

      @Cody… yes INDEED brothaman, I like how U think and speak!See More

      January 30 at 12:02am ·
    • Ronald A.

      part i : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is pregnant? She is not obligated but she should.

      part ii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is considering having, is having…, or has had an abortion? She is not obligated but she should.

      part iii : is a woman obligated to inform the father of her unborn baby that she is a) pregnant; and/or b) is considering, has had or is having an abortion even if he has clearly stated/expressed that HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN? She is not obligated but she should.
      See More

      January 30 at 1:03am ·
    • Damion J. M.

      If I can’t have a conversation about sex and the consequences that comes with sex then simply put I’m not having sex with that woman. I thinks it’s completely selfish for a woman to think she can leave me in dark regarding a pregnancy that …affects both of us when the fact is there would be no decision to make were it not for the actions of both not one. Until women can get pregnant on their own without male intervention I’m not dealing with any woman who believes its her right to make such an important and life altering decision without engaging me in the process. Yes it may be her body but she wouldn’t even be in a position to make a choice if it weren’t for what we both consented to do.See More
      January 30 at 9:47am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Shanna T. olusanya you are dope. lol….knock you up any day… :)

      January 30 at 10:21am ·
    • MsNu all of you are define DOPENESS! this discussion is amazing…as is this community! much love & infinite respect ~Nu

      January 30 at 10:31am ·
    • Olu B.

      ‎@Damion… speak on it Twin!!!
      @Shanna… check it out Sis… while engaging in unsafe verbal transmissions on this thread last night, I woke up this morning and realized I mentally conceived. See… the women I mentioned released seeds of …thought that embedded themselves upon the walls of my brain, conceiving a love poem currently in gestation. I have tentatively named her “Lovechild [5 Baby's Mammas, 0 Dramas]“… ha ha ha.See More
      January 30 at 10:34am ·
    • MsNu olu…olu…olu…i can’t wait for the birth

      January 30 at 10:38am ·
    • Shanna T. well please tag me in that note. the shanna magic is way strong and yours is too so that lovechild is sure to be a beautiful problem.

      January 30 at 10:40am ·
    • Olu B. ‎@Shanna I’m tagging ALL of U… how else am I going to get child support? ha ha ha
      @~Nu I called myself doing a facebook fast, here U go…pulling me in with a vengeance and stuffing me with all this food for thought!

      January 30 at 10:45am ·
    • Shanna T. lol!!! gotta love that beautiful nunuu

      January 30 at 10:45am ·
    • MsNu i am so….(not) sorry olu ;-) … you know i had to tag you … your input is priceless

      January 30 at 10:47am ·
    • MissMedu yes maury, you are the father… I believe having a child is not a decision, it’s an obligation…

      January 30 at 11:22am ·
    • Luis C. It’s so easy when all one has to say is Ditto @Damion!!

      January 30 at 2:03pm ·
    • Cody N. WOW i ahve been off for a COUPLE OF DAYS AND LOOK AT WHAT I COME BACK TO. @ Nunuu thsi discussion is amazing@Shanna WHAT (the next 18-21 years) wow you should see me and hear…I am like sweating fo sure. @Olu you you is that dude for real..You like the way i talk you is the dude right now for real and Kev thankyou for the love big hommie…yo i dont even know what to say i think i am going to meditate on everything everybody said…Take notes and come back yo yall is off the chain for real…OMG

      January 30 at 6:13pm ·
    • MsTabulol Olu you are wild!!! This discussion has officially become a debate. Loving it…

      January 30 at 7:47pm ·
    • Cody N ‎@Tabu I dont know about that. We are all still pretty civil i actually think this is better than a debate cause everyone who speaks gets to be heard and that is very cool. But who am i to debate ;-)

      January 30 at 7:48pm ·
    • MsTabutrue:o)

      January 30 at 7:57pm ·
    • MsTabu however debates can still be civil when all sides are respected even if not agreed upon :)

      January 30 at 7:59pm ·
    • Cody N. OOOOHHHH tushe my good lady

      January 30 at 8:06pm ·
    • MsTabu

      Honestly I’m really feeling bits and pieces of what EVERYONE on here has had to say so far. From Lynette’s “perfect world” statement to Shanna’s always beautiful sincerity in all of her words “a lot of times people resent their kids because… they arrived before their joy”… so true. Ive always felt this was a dominating reason for too many miserable parents. And yes there are definitely other reasons beyond rape for having abortions, which I will and can not ever be the judge of, regardless of personal beliefs to be exercised in my own life. Thankfully I too have not had to tackle this issue personally.

      Olu, I’m feeling the depths you spoke on with this
      “If our physical intercourse is along the lines of animals in heat, then we are simply rutting. We don’t need any further discussion because we have already given in to the lowest form of this act. The higher forms of “bonding” are missing, so we should expect very little in terms of “love, morality, commitment, life-giving, or what is right”
      I share so many of the thoughts you’ve expressed to perfection and can’t quote them all, but you are quite an intelligent man. Unfortunately most women in this situation probably do not find themselves with a man who is thinking along that caliber.

      NuNu- please do keep it coming with these “grown folks” discussions sis ;)

      January 30 at 8:59pm ·
    • MsTabu

      so…
      my overall beliefs aside, I’ve come to terms with the possibility that this 3 part ‘telling’ may also depend on a case by case basis under certain circumstances. For instance, God forbid she is running away from an abusive relationship… and then finds out she is pregnant. Assholes become ‘fathers’ everyday too. Just a thought…
      See More
      January 31 at 1:25am ·
1 Comment more...

“lust” &/vs “love”

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

Main Entry: 1lust
Pronunciation: \ˈləst\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
Date: before 12th century

1 obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish
2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3 a : an intense longing : craving b: enthusiasm, eagerness (admired his lust for life)

#1)is it possible to lust after AND also love someone (the same someone)?

#2)is lust healthy?

~Nu

wak ‘high on u’
    • Roan R.

      ‎1) It is possible to lust and love the same someone. Lust is a degree of attraction. I think some people have become attached to the word meaning something negative, which isn’t necessarily the case. You can love that person (presen…ce, mind and spirit) and lust their body or any variation of the above. The same applies to objects, senses, situations, etc…It’s a degree of emotional (chemical) response to a stimulant.

      2) A healthy lust for life. See More

      January 29 at 8:22am ·
    • Canuck S. Lust and love according to my definition is a very good way to keep a relationship healthy and vibrant as long as lust is handled within reason. Some would say lust is a form of deviance that speaks with a immoral tone but who is anybody to tell one what to feel in a mature monogomous relationship. January 29 at 8:54am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Asaad J. Lust is an natural human instinct. When two people lust for each other it can and sometimes will lead to love. Even when in love, lust is still there. Its very healthy to have lust in a loving relationship.

      January 29 at 11:22pm ·
    • Damion J. M. Lust is merely a degree of attraction. I like to drive but I get extra excited when I’m driving a 5-speed because to me it’s much more fun than driving automatic. Therefore I’m more attracted to the driving experience associated with a 5-speed than an automatic.

      January 30 at 9:55am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Lisa G. i would say that i usually have “intense sexual desire” for the person i am in love with but one can also have that desire for a person one does not love. is it lust if you are in love with that person or is it just love? lust is a biochemical reaction that is as healthy as adrenaline or fear – it is what one does with that lust that leads to unhealthy behavior or imbalance

      January 30 at 4:44pm · 
1 Comment more...

“fear”

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

part i: why are we so afraid to live & love with an open heart?
a) is this fear cultural?
b) is this fear primal?

part ii: what makes men/women so afraid of loving, being loved and being in love?

part iii: who is more afraid to love, men or women? why?

~Nu

wak “step out on faith”

p.s. due to facebook’s 30 people tag limit, once you comment i will remove your tag and tag someone else so others can be aware of and join in the discussion…click the “Share” button to share this on your wall and see what your friends have to say about this topic of discussion.

1.31.10

    • Damion J. M.

      I think the willingness to fall in love is the ultimate leap of faith, leaves a person completely vulnerable and that’s why for many it is a scary thing. It’s like sky diving with someone else controlling your parachute. You have to be will…ing to still jump out of that plane and trust that your chute will be triggered at the right time. You must be willing to let go and know that the person you love won’t let you get hurt. Gender notwithstanding I believe it’s easier for the person who knows what they want to fall in love.See More
      January 31 at 5:01am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • David B.

      Bless you, Lenise. 1st time i’m writing ur first name.. not simply ‘Nu’.. it is such a beautiful name. What gr8 topics! As i sit in my windowsill, under the fuzzy glow of the moon, i think of the 1st question.. about living w an open hear…t. As i think of why hearts harden, i see a foundation of primal fear with cultural fears layered on top of it. In early stages of our existence, i see a mistrust of one another due to reasons that relate to survival. It’s a tribal situation, where the bare necessities are addressed, sometimes at the expense of another tribe. As we became more technologically advanced, opportunists appeared not for survival, but for sinister reasons: greed and control. That’s where i see the cultural fear emerge: in more recent centuries of humankind, where there’s this dreadful, cyclical exploitation of one another. So here we are, due to this reckless history, trying to make sense of this mountain of social instability. I see these fears as an unfortunate cause/effect of our general mistrust of each other. We consciously and subconsciously expect someone, somewhere, to be deceitful. I think the natural defense 4 that is 2 build walls around the heart… i see that as cultural. I think it’s the saddest thing about this reality we’re living in. I’ll stop there 4 now and let the diamond rotate. Thanx 4 sparking such nutritious topics. :) See More
      January 31 at 8:49am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • David B. PS. Peace, D! I dig ur comment.. and u made me think of Gang Starr’s “she knows what she wants”.. gr8 song.

      January 31 at 9:17am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Skribe

      Hmmmmmmm there is no way to quantify who is “more” afraid of anything really least of all love. As far as I can tell it is that our primal instinct is to survive, therefore once a person has experienced pain due to loss of love, often our… primal selves kick in, a crust can form around the heart as a coping mechanism we divorce ourselves from vulnerability. Other factors such as culture and environment undoubtedly are variables in the way we interact in intimate relationships. Ultimately though, while I can agree with many of the previous points made by D and Dopeness, I think to try and intellectualize love is futile. So I will say this: my truth is that I must continue to counter my instincts to close the world out of my heart in order to really embrace the love that exists. For some this is not a worthy concession, but I am a lover of love. As poets I think this is almost always the case…
      Thanks Nu NuuSee More
      January 31 at 6:05pm
    • Olu Bey

      Geez NuNuu! can we get an easy one like… what’s your favorite cold cereal or sumtin’?
      I’m going to try and be brief, but don’t count on it.
      As Skribe has already stated intellectualizing about love is a futile effort. Love will give your in…tellect the worst smackdown it has ever experienced. We like to categorize and define, tie everything up into neat little intellectual boxes and store them in our consciousness. This habitual way of perceiving the world around us allows us to form an identity of our ‘self’. When it comes to love we do the same thing. We create an image in our minds of what love is, what our lover will bring into our lives, and this idea is formed on the basis of who and what we think we are. But love… love is formless, defies description and literally makes us lose our minds. Why? because love is selfless, hence the fear. Who wants to let go of their ‘self’? Who willingly sacrifices themselves on love’s altar, emptying themselves of ego, so they can be filled with love? Wisemen have said that the heart that has never felt pain cannot feel love. Why? because the pain is the death of that sense of a ‘separate self’. Love comes with the realization of oneness… the you and I becomes UNI… One. Letting go of your sense of separateness is very painful because we mistakenly believe that we are losing something. The reality is we never had it. None of us exist independently of each each other. I exist because you exist, and vice versa, and so on and on and on… til the break of dawn… until it dawns upon us that love is not something we have to look for… it is something we exist in all of the time and must realize within ourselves and each other so that we can experience it fully. Most of us only experience our egos idea of love and this idea comes with all of the egos baggage… selfishness, possessiveness, fear of losing ourselves or our identity, all of the masks that the ego puts on to disguise itself from the ‘others’. Love forces you to drop all of your facades, throw away the masks and stand but-ass-naked in front of the world.
      You ever heard the story about the little fish who was told that it needed water to live? It swam home to it’s mother and said, “Mommy we can’t live without water, we need to find some. Where can we find it?” It’s mother replied, “It’s all around you baby… we live in it.” THAT IS LOVE! We’re looking for something that we already have. We’re just so caught up in our concepts and illusions we don’t allow ourselves to experience ‘real love’.
      Someone asked me why the majority of my poems I write are love poems, my reply was, “write? I’m making love!” I’m sharing the energy of my love en masse, and… giving individuals eargasms… ha ha ha.
      Love slays your ego and causes you to lose your identity, so that it can resurrect you and give you a greater identity. It moves you from individuality to UnIversality. Closed hearts can only pump blood… open hearts can contain an entire UnIverse. Feel that isht!!! Love comes to open you, and if you fight it… It will hurt you bad, cuz… it’s for your own good. Love was the first one to say, “This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you” and really mean it. It doesn’t want to hurt you, but your fighting it, and it’s a fight you cannot win.
      In the words of Jennifer Holiday, “Your gonna love me” Why? becuz I’m gonna love you and leave you no choice… the isht is infectious. Try it! Seriously begin loving unconditionally and watch what happens. Love will put you in a bear hug, headlock, figure four and all that.
      Caution!!! do not confuse love with lust, physical desire, sexual attraction, infatuation, obsession, or any of the untold feelings and physiological reactions we tend to identify as love. You can live without any of those things, but love… is like water to a fish… if you don’t have it… you aint really living. You may have a mind full of ideas of what love is, but a heart that is empty of the experience of love.
      Aight… I’m done… for now… ha ha ha. HASee More
      January 31 at 7:52pm ·
    • Heshima M.

      Nu,

      I think that the human condition is constantly changing. In our current state however, the fear of being loved is based upon a complete misunderstanding of what love is to begin with. Many people have become so accustomed to what love IS… NOT, and normalized it, so when love presents itself in its purest form, people r not able to receive it. It is kind of like, if a person grows up with their tastebuds conditioned to canned peaches. The sugar sauce it is packed in, presents a false sense of what a peach tastes like. Later, when a person eats a real peach for the first time, they say they do not like peaches. When what has really happened, is that the person, is tasting the real thing for the first time, and does not know how to handle it.See More

      January 31 at 8:09pm via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Olu Bey ‎@Heshima… WORD!!!!

      January 31 at 8:20pm ·
    • MsNu

      thank you all for your insight…i appreciate all of you for joining in on this discussion…i have a question though…how do you prevent the fear of love that others have from infiltrating the army of your heart? i was once told that love… has a timeline which, can lead to a fear of loving “too soon” if that is at all possible…or should i say the fear of verbally expressing that love too soon…how do you keep their fears from rubbing off on you when you love them and empathize with them in many ways without re-building the walls that you destroyed when they entered your world?See More
      January 31 at 8:37pm ·
    • Olu B.

      Timeline! WOW!!! no offense, but… that sounds like someone who needs to buy a vowel, becuz they don’t have a clue. Time is a condition, a mental construct that doesn’t exist outside of our minds. How many times have we been so deep into a…n experience that time ceased to exist to us. It sounds like they are trying to make love fit their idea of what it should be, when it should be. They may find themselves waking up to find that the time… and love has passed them by. A pretty good poet once said, “One who does not seize the “moment”… only borrows… time.” In the meantime… [no pun intended] U do U NuNuu, enjoy the love U are experiencing. The beauty of love is that when we experience it for another person it does not have to be returned. That would be nice… ha ha ha, but if their fear doesn’t prevent U from the experience of the love U have. It just prevents them from fully sharing in it. If sharing it with them makes them uncomfortable… keepthe fullness of it to yourself… don’t put up walls, just get homeopathic wit’ it, and give it to them in microscopic doses… ha ha ha.See More
      January 31 at 9:16pm ·
    • MsTabu

      There are so many jewels being dropped on this:) I love it.

      Living with an open heart is the true way of life, but like the old saying goes “the truth hurts” and people have been conditioned (perhaps culturally) to fear the possibilities of …being hurt, while in reality putting up guards, stone walls, and obstacle courses to ‘protect’ ourselves winds up only being more painful as this way of living is never complete. As a result we walk around with internal voids and find external (often self-destructive) ways to fill them, at least temporarily from moment to moment. We speak of feeling like something is missing, we feel lost, because we are.

      Our shields can be our biggest weakness of all, because while we are so busy playing warrior to surpass the ‘bad’, we are also passing the ‘good’. If we live with an open heart, we will be hurt at times, but we will also be whole. If we live with ‘walls’, we will be both hurt and incomplete in the long run. To be free from such fears, we must be willing to accept pain as a part of life. I found myself saying at different times of heartache “but every time I open up, I get hurt”… this may seem true if we close up in fear every time we are hurt… by doing so we are also closing doors on opportunities for happiness to prevail and will live only in the pain we know, feeding even more into the cycle.

      I believe this applies with the aspects of love as well. Sub-consciously I think we also fear loving, and being loved, when we have not yet found true love for ourselves within. When we love ourselves enough to feel worthy of being loved and therefore capable of loving another, these fears can finally rest. I’m not sure if male or female has a real significance with this in terms of who is more afraid to love, I can only speak from levels of humanity here. As for the timeline ordeal, I second my brother Olu.

      <3Peace and Blessings always…
      See More

      February 1 at 2:58am ·
    • MsTabu PS- I found that little fish story disgustingly adorable. lol

      February 1 at 3:07am ·
    • MsTabu PS (again)-”The Power Of Now” by Ekhart Tolle is a good book to read to help one conquer the burden of ‘timelines’

      February 1 at 3:15am ·
    • MissMedu

      Ok Nu, the last one was hard for me because I’m unable to have children without major complications and that was a touchy subject for me, but I can give my imput on this one.
      I’m not afraid to love, but I’m afraid to love the wrong person.

      I …feel that over time, media and society in the new world culture has changed the definition and meaning of what love should be. I believe love has turned to sex, and no one is afraid of sex, only being strong enough to really love.

      I feel love is one of those emotions that at a moments notice, can be uncontrollable. No one wants to know or feel like they aren’t able to control their emotions. Especially one so powerful.See More

      February 1 at 9:22am ·
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“marriage”

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

WAK Pray Together Stay Together

let’s talk about marriage…

webster defines marriage as:

Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: \ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
Date: 14th century

1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage> b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3 : an intimate or close union <the marriage of painting and poetry — J. T. Shawcross>

is a marriage confined to the definition that has been put forward by man? is marriage limited only to referring to those who have paid for the marriage license and proceeded as dictated by man? or is marriage more than that? do you believe it is possible to be married/united in the eyes of God without being married by the laws of man?

~Nu

Previous Comments

    • Canuck S. No… Simply because no matter how you choose to refer to your bible. Marriage is a concept concieved by man/womankind. But maybe I am not a good source for an opinion on this topic because my concept in God may differ from others.

      February 2 at 7:54pm via Facebook Mobile
    • McGriff’s Original LockGroomer

      My first question would be “What is with this “In the eyes of GOD” business.” It seems like people just toss GOD around in stuff just to validate it. Actually, the first Marriages had no religious input, no ministers, preachers, pastors, no… religious doctrine, none of that. It all came later. It is an institution created by MAN. Humans existed looooooooong before so-called “Marriage.” Men and Women were united, and also brought forth LIFE, before some dude created the concept of “Marriage.” I say Marriage is whatever you and your partner decide your relationship is about, if you even choose to use the word Marriage. Today, the traditional Marriage is about business agreements, benefits, security, and insurance if either of the partners decide they no longer want to be in the union. At this stage of my life, I don’t need to be Married. If I meet someone who Marriage is important to, I have no problem making it happen; however, I can do without it. – my 2 centsSee More
      February 2 at 8:12pm ·

    • MsNu thank you for jumping in mr mcgriff…i was wondering what it would take to get you chime into one of these discussions my friend. i love to hear what you have to say about anything and everything.

      February 2 at 8:16pm ·
    • Bo Digitally

      NOTHING, including marriage is confined to the definition that has been put forward by man. That continues to be proven daily. With a 50% divorce rate in this country, marriage for most, (including people married in church) is a rite that i…s easily broken. We are a “throw away society” and lovers who couple for the wrong reason, usually sex, find that they cannot sustain the desire they feel at the onset of their union. In the wild, there are many animal species that mate with one partner FOR LIFE. Many couples manage to find a love that is pure and requires NO validation by a person of the cloth or otherwise. I believe it is ABSOLUTELY possible to be married in the eyes of God without being married by the laws of man? While we’re on the subject of “definition” is a man who gives birth to a child a mother?See More
      February 2 at 8:17pm ·
    • McGriff’s Original LockGroomer . . . oh yea, I forgot something else – It is my opinion, based on a very limited understanding of Life and People, that ANY two people whose union is based on the instability of “How they FEEL about one another,” will eventually have a FAILED relationship. Emotions (How we feeeel) are unstable and up and down. If the relationship is based on Emotions, the relationship will be unstable and up and down. So, another question is “What should be the foundation a relationship stands on.”

      February 2 at 8:26pm ·
    • MsNu that is a very good question alphonso…very good…i agree, feelings change and shift so we must base a relationship on way more than feelings.

      February 2 at 8:29pm ·
    • Bo Digitally ‎@A.M.: At my age, God is easily within reach.

      February 2 at 8:52pm ·
    • Afrikess

      this is too fluid for me to say too much about it. If people want to be together they should just be allowed to be together. Notice i did not say just two.
      If it is for benefits and legalities just sign the paper work and call it done.
      Mind …you now, when I find the right man I want the white dress w/ long train, fifty eleven people there, 21 bridesmaids, 23 grooms men, so my girls can be comfortable with choices lol. oh yeah flower girls, ring bearers all of that… I want someone famous to sing, Luther is no longer with us nor Micheal oh yeah Anthony Hamilton will be singing, champagne all around.
      And me and emperor charming will live happily ever after all the paper work is signed!~ lol
      This is not my area. I gotta find the man to co-sign on thisSee More
      February 2 at 9:15pm ·
    • Olu B.

      Alphonso, Alphonso, Alphonso… I agree with NuNuu… where u been bruh? U have too much insight to be sitting in the background doing the charlie chaplin… ha ha ha.

      I’m in total agreement with everything my brother said. We have been so c…onditioned by our way of living we act like we have always lived like this, or as if there is no other way to live.

      I think it’s ironic that the supreme court has recently given corporations the status of living persons, and living persons have reduced the concept of marriage to commercial contracts… ha ha ha. Couples act like they are forming corporations instead of families. If the institution of marriage is nothing more than contractual law then [I'm sorry Afrikess : ( ] we don’t need all of the pomp and circumstance, all we need is a pen, some paper, and a notary.If however what we are talking about is a ceremony in which we bring friends and family together to recognize a union between two individuals… I have no beef with that [unless your talking about exchanging shiny rocks at which point I will break out the pictures of Afikan children missing limbs and begin a diatribe about the suffering caused as a result of our mindless materialism].

      Quiet as its kept… the reduction of marriage to a business contract is one of the reasons so many are failing [along with the point Alphonso made about the emotions/feelings being shaky foundations]. How many businesses or corporations have we watched f@#* over their stockholders… lol. What’s the bailout for a failed marriage… alimony?

      Finally… before I would say, “in the eyes of God” I would mention the Neteru, or… Olodorun, or Oyalode, or Oduduwa, or Nyame, or… U know what I mean… I still got issues with the slavemaster’s religion!
      See More

      February 2 at 10:22pm ·
    • Milton J.

      For a generation of miscreants and and premature confessions of love and a community of “Men” who extol the title of “the one” more often than we make bank deposits, we are the result of our predecessors. We are the result of incarcerated …fathers and “independent” mothers. We are the “I don’t need you to survive” generation. We are hyphenated last names. Well to do daddy’s and project moms (and vice versa).

      The problem with society now is that we fail to acknowledge the commitment, we treat marriage like a job… you don’t like your co-workers and the experience so you fetch out to find a new one without even expressing the fact that you have a problem with the old one. We fear confrontation so much that we’d rather walk out than exchange a meaningful diatribe to assess how to restore what we once had.

      There is no marriage that can’t last if it is TRULY ordained by God. But God requires us to work it out!

      February 3 at 7:18am ·
    • Olu B

      This may appear offensive to some, but I must go back to my brother Alphonso’s question. What does God have to do with this discussion? REALLY? Compared to many religions Christianity is a baby… the new kid on the block. To insinuate that… a person’s belief in a particular religion is what will guarantee the success of their union is somewhat ludicrous and flies in the face of all the successful unions/marriages of individuals who are atheist, agnostic, gay, or followers of other religious traditions [as well as the men and women who were forming unions before spirituality was "institutionalized"]. TRULY!
      The majority of marriages performed in the USA are between individuals who practice the Christian faith, yet the failure rate remains above 50%. Am I to come to the conclusion that these marriages were NOT ordained by God?
      Commitment is an issue of character, not faith. My woman does not need to have faith that I will be committed because she knows my character and is confident of my commitment. I understand my relationship with my Creator fully and commitment is something SHE has put in my hands!!!See More
      February 3 at 9:21am ·
    • MsNu olu, alphonso, bo, & milton…you have truly opened my mind & heart…and olu your “love” note is ridiculous…

      February 3 at 10:16am ·
    • Katrice G.

      This is deep… lol

      I think union is defined between those who are getting united. As “eurocentric” as the term “marriage” and “wedding” may be, I can’t do anything but accept the fact that to some, ceremonies and documents AND GOD may be w…hat qualifies aspects of a marriage. Just like I can accept that there are some who believe “the formalities” in no way qualify a marriage.

      For some people marriage is spiritual. For some it’s Financial. Some it maybe based on feelings of the moment, be it physical or emotional. Some it’s a response to a sense of responsibility to their partner and/or. No matter what the reason, Man can define what a marriage is until their blue in the face… but it’s the two people involved that have to find out what it means to them, and how they are going to go about it.

      Lets’ not forget, no matter how we define our relationships of any sort, the Government is going to dictate your right to your spouse/partner/significant other whether we like it or not. I personally rather be protected by the legalities… lol I wish a motherfucker would tell me I have no rights or say in my “husbands” life because the law says we aren’t “legitimate”. It happens… so my answer to the questions are… NOPE… no matter how much you feel you can…. bottom line.See More

      February 3 at 5:19pm ·
1 Comment more...

“teacher, teacher”

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

Musiq is one of my favorite artists…nearly all of his songs evoke real thought within me, perhaps he can evoke “real talk” with you…this discussion topic was provoked by “teach me how to love”…

is it actually possible to teach someone how to love? how?

can you teach a wo/man you love how to love? or can you only teach them how to love you?

if someone doesn’t know how to love, is it even possible to teach them how to love you?

in a relationship, how important is it that someone knows how to love you? do we put too much importance on it?

~Nu

Previous Comments:

    • Colin W. You can only teach someone how to love you. That is only the “action” of love, expressing out.
      Some people are numb to the actual “feeling” of love and you can’t teach that.

      February 4 at 8:17am via Facebook Mobile ·
    • Milton J.

      I think it is emotionally and physically impossible to teach someone how to love. I agree with colin, you can only teach someone how to love you. It is an injustice to the heart to try to sway someone who has a vaque and altruistic approac…h to love, cannot define it and have no understanding of what it means. I’m not saying those people are impossible, they just have to learn and grow into “love” but there is no teaching it, its experiential. All we can do, is show them the path to what defines us, what makes us, what results in a smile and what does and it is up to them to take the right steps to guarantee that love and happiness.
      February 4 at 8:55am ·
    • Kevin E.

      Most of those “who know not how to Love”, are that way from never “Truly” experiencing Love.This Society has a profound way of falsely defining things with which one needs to be truly HuMan (ie; Love, Compassion & Empathy etc.). Therefore o…ne must first be introduced to “True Love” to truly know how to reciprocate it. Everyone believe that there are different types of Love, when in truth there is but one Love, practiced on many levels. Love is a “Reciprocal Act”, hence Love begets Love(You first have to give Love to get Love). That one fact looked @ Universally has the capabilities of “Healing the Planet!!”

      ♥ ~n~ Light -Kev’
      Hey Nuu! ;-) See More

      February 4 at 11:32am ·
    • Baub B.

      Well,
      Self love is the only thing you can have. Eye think that when you truly love who you are, than that energy becomes strong. For example, some people tend to leave a damaging relationship, then jump right into something else the next day…, does not demonstrate self love, but rather a dependency. Because we are made up of molecules/energy, we attract who we are, or what we feel about ourselves; thus ending up in a broken relationship with the illusion of love. What we are really doing, is trying to find ourselves in someone else. So, can we teach someone how to love us? Absolutely not. They would have to come into that friendship with love already in their hearts. In other words genuine.
      February 4 at 5:13pm ·
    • MsNui LOVE getting the male perspective on things…you guys are amazing and very insightful…thank you so much…

      February 4 at 5:34pm ·
    • Damion M. One can be taught how to love another because I don’t think there is a “one size fits all” general way of loving everyone. It has taken me a long to time finally figure out exactly they way I need to be loved and so now it’s very easy to explain. But I realized I needed time to first define what works for me and put it into words for a woman to understand.

      February 4 at 7:21pm ·
    • Dusty R. of course seeing other people we can learn how to love. listen to your soul mate and that is how you learn how to love
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I started this on Facebook…

Posted by nulenise in Oct 13, 2010, under Grown Folk's Conversation

A while ago on my Facebook page I was placing topics of conversation for all of my Facebookies to chime in on (motivated by monthly gatherings I would attend with friends)…I will re-post the topics and the comments and you can chime in yourself. I would LOVE to know what you think :-) More topics will be on the way.

Here goes…

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